SERIOUSLY.

Do squirrels actually serve a purpose in the circle of life? Other than to eat my strawberries, destroy my tomatoes, and steal my bluberries? Those little bastards are roaches with fur and one day I’ll invent a motion-activated flame thrower to teach them a lesson.

One day.

How are your gardens growing? We’ll start out with the good… because you’ve already guessed the bad.

The Good
Green Beans
They’re more than good, they’re grrreeeeaaat! 3-lbs-in-one-week great. And next week, I’ll show you the awesome, 4-ingredient, barely-a-recipe way we’ve been eating them.

Juliet tomatoes
These are larger grape-style tomatoes. There might be no tomato on this planet that is better for roasting… and then eating straight off the pan. The plant is a beast. INSANELY prolific, which is good because it’s also a favorite target for squirrels.

Meyer Lemon
White flies and leaf miners attacked the dwarf Meyer last year and we thought it was a goner. But we saw new greenery on it earlier this spring and now it’s full of flowers!

Zucchini
Just harvested 3 zucchini this week! Will be starting a new seedling in a pot this week because I expect the vine borers to show up any second now…

San Marzano
Two plants, completely loaded with green tomatoes.

Cantaloupe
Two vines off to a slow start. Dozens of flowers later, I found 3 cantaloupe yesterday!

Basil
LOVES the weather right now. And we love eating pesto on everything.

Kale
LOVES the weather right now as much as basil.

Serranos
I wish the serrano and jalapeno plants would trade places… but they won’t. And I’ve learned to embrace the skinnier pepper. I had to. Because I’ve picked over 100 peppers in the last 13 days.

The Eh
Strawberries
Demoted The wonky weather killed production – we went from getting a pound every other day to 5 tiny berries in the last week. But the 2 hours working in that box, weeding and fertilizing and adding new compost, should hopefully start paying off again soon.

White Peach Tree
Massive fruit drop last month left only 8-12 peaches on the tree. But we’ve eaten the first peach of the year and it did not suck.

Grapefruit
Massive fruit drop, only 6 grapefruit left on the bush. I think the real problem is that it has outgrown it’s pot and I waited too long to prune it this year. We’re going to try to make room for it in the ground this summer so it can grow as big as it wants.

Jalapeno
Still angry at me from moving it from it’s big pot in the sun to a less-sunny corner of the “pepper and tomato” box.

The Bad
Tomatillos
Dozens and dozens of blossoms the last two months… not one single fruit. They have until July 4th and then my late summer tomatoes go in the ground in their place.

Pomegranate
2 dozen flowers and not a single one fertilized.

The Other Peach
It tried to bloom in late April and early May… when it was sub-40 in Texas. There will be no peach crop from it this year.

Blueberries
&^%$#@! squirrels.

Eggplant
I planted a seedling ~3 months ago… and it’s still less than 6 inches tall. At this rate, we’ll be having eggplant at Thanksgiving.

Looks like summer. Feels like summer. Tastes like summer. That pretty much sums up this burger. And our weekend.

After weeks of cursing at begging and pleading with the basil plants to do something, they did.

And that something was EXPLODE.

Not in the literal sense, obviously. Although a backyard full of sweet, purple, and elephant basil-scented confetti would smell a whole lot better than chlorine and the new mulch that kind of smells like a hamster cage when it rains.

So I made pesto. (2 1/2 cups of pesto!) And then I slathered it on burgers with tomatoes from the garden that I had slow-roasted and a thick slice of fresh mozzarella cheese. And I served that along size grilled zucchini & red onions – zucchini that I remembered to pick before it reached baseball bat size. (I’m 3 for 3!)

And that is truly the most satisfying thing about gardening. To be able to look down at your dinner plate and say: I grew that, I grew that, I made that, and I almost didn’t burn those.

Burgers with Roasted Tomatoes, Pesto, and Mozzarella

Pesto, roasted tomatoes, and fresh mozzarella: summer's best trio of flavors in burger form.

Ingredients

• 1 lb ground beef (or turkey)
• Salt
• Pepper
• Worcestershire sauce
• 3 burger buns
• Pesto, purchased or homemade
• Roasted tomatoes
• 3 slices of fresh mozzarella

Instructions

1. Heat grill to high.
2. Season ground beef with salt, pepper, and a few dashes of worcestershire sauce and form into 3 patties.
3. Grill 7-8 minutes (or to desired doneness), flipping halfway through.
4. Turn off the grill, place a slice of cheese on each burger, and close the grill for a minute to melt the cheese.
5. Place burger buns on the grill for ~1 minute, just until toasted.
6. Spread pesto on the buns and top with a patty, a handful of roasted tomatoes.

Notes

Yields: 3 servings

Source: Confections of a Foodie Bride

Estimated time: 20 minutes

NOW is it warm enough to grill where you live? I have my fingers crossed for you, but surely The Endless Winter of 2012-13 has got to be over for everyone now.

Hopefully. Because celebrating National Burger Month with snow on the ground? It just ain’t right.

We love our fancy burgers around here and have a few more to add to the menu this month. First up? Sliders topped with beer-glazed caramelized onions and brie.

By definition, miniature anythings are fancy. Add brie? TOTALLY Food & Wine-worthy. But the real stars here are the caramelized onions. Right at the end of cooking, they’re simmered in beer until a nice, syrupy glaze forms. It’s not just an excuse to open a beer, but it is an excuse if you need one.

For the beer, go with an amber or brown ale. If you’re not a beer drinker, you can skip the glaze… but maybe you try it anyway!

Sliders with Beer-Glazed Caramelized Onions and Brie

Grilled beef sliders go fancy with craft brew-glazed caramelized onions, fruit preserves, and brie. (Amber or brown ale recommended.)

Ingredients

• For the onions:
• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1 large white or yellow onion
• 1/2 cup beer (I used an amber ale)
• For the sliders
• 6 slider buns
• Apricot preserves
• 6 grilled slider patties (~2 1/2 oz precooked)
• Brie, sliced

Instructions

1. Heat olive oil in a large pan over medium-high heat.
2. Cut the onion pole-to-pole and then slice into 1/4-inch half-rounds.
3. Add all at once to the pan, reduce heat to medium, and let cook, stirring occasionally.
4. If the onions get too dry before completely browning, add a couple Tbsp water and reduce heat even more.
5. When the onions have browned to your liking, add the beer and let simmer until the beer reduces to a nice, syrupy glaze for the onions.
6. To build the sliders, spread preserves onto the buns and top with a burger patty, slices of brie (cut to fit the slider), and a spoon of the onions.
7. Serve warm.

Notes

Yields: 6 sliders

Source: Confections of a Foodie Bride

Estimated time: 40 minutes

Today should be “Garden Friday” where I show you how I somehow managed to make it another 7 days without killing the green things growing in my backyard. But it’s raining outside. Like, “you shoulda’ built that ark” raining. So instead of showing you our first zucchini, or telling you about my peach tree dropping all but 6 fruit [sob], and that the beast Juliet tomato plant is loaded with almost-ready-to-pick tomatoes… I’ll just show you what I did with my recent kale overload.

I made salad.

I have introduced you to my favorite salad before. And this is its one-course-dinner cousin.

It’s what happens when strawberry season meets I-can’t-believe-I-went-30-days-without-goat-cheese meets holy-crap-I-planted-way-too-much-Kale. So like nearly everything else on my menu, it meets the requisite 2 parts desperation.

The salad is a perfect host for the beautiful strawberries that are coming out of the markets (and my backyard) right now. And the strawberries-goat cheese combo?

Nearly as perfect as chocolate and peanut butter.

Because I had leftover chicken in the fridge, I used that to top the salads for a quick, light dinner. Or, for you Honey Boo Boo watchers, a “multimeal”

Don’t have two pots full of kale on your back patio? Use spinach instead! And don’t forget, this is a “cold salad” – the quinoa has to be cooked and cooled before so it doesn’t turn your kale into a bowl full of sad, wimpy greens.

Kale and Quinoa Salad with Strawberries and Goat Cheese

Fresh strawberries, kale, quinoa, and goat cheese come together for a perfectly light spring or summer dinner. Just add leftover chicken to make it a little heartier.

Ingredients

• For the salad
• 2 cups cooked and chilled quinoa (from 1 cup uncooked)
• 3 oz kale, chopped (about half a bag or clam shell)
• 4 oz goat cheese, crumbled
• 1/2 pint strawberries, hulled and sliced
• Leftover grilled chicken, optional (I used this wet rub)
• For the dressing
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 2 Tbsp finely chopped shallot
• 1 Tbsp spicy brown or dijon mustard (I use Creole)
• 1/3 cup olive oil
• Salt
• Pepper

Instructions

1. In a large bowl, add the chopped greens, cold quinoa (it must be cold so it doesn't wilt the salad), crumbled goat cheese, and strawberries.
2. In a small bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, shallot, and mustard.
3. Slowly stream in the olive oil while whisking and add a pinch of salt and pepper to taste.
4. Before serving, toss the dressing with the salad and serve topped with sliced chicken.
5. Leftovers will keep a couple of days covered in the fridge.

Notes

Yields: 6 generous servings

Source: Confections of a Foodie Bride

Estimated time: 20 minutes

All My Children | One Life to Live
YOU should have stayed DEAD! [KAPOW]

I have been a life-long watcher of All My Children and One Life to Live. And then ABC went and replaced them with, what – that show that was already cancelled and The Chew?

The Chew. Really, ABC?

But last week, they both returned on Hulu. I wasn’t overly excited at first but now? Bring on the fake pregnancies! The tampered-with paternity tests! The rapidly aged children who left for kindergarten and then came home as college drop-out owners of their own software companies! And those good ol’ Viki/Niki & Bessica/Tessica/Jessica multiple personality showdowns!

And the amnesia. Because no storyline is complete without someone not remembering who she’s married to… and then falling in love with that guy’s stepson.

And I won’t spoil it for you… but there’s already a mystery can’t-see-their-face patient and a kidnapping!

[Calm down, Shawnda...]

And speaking of other childhood favorites…

Books I read in the 5th Grade… and again last month
Next to the original Babysitters Club series, those were my absolute favorite books growing up. I have no idea how many times I’ve read them, but that number went up by 1 last month (thank you, library card + Kindle app). Spooky ghosts, a punky orphan, cats without shadows. Seriously, what 10 year old didn’t love a good Mary Downing Hahn ghost story?

And what 34 year old doesn’t cry her face into a nearly unrecognizable puffy mess at the end of Bridge to Terabithia.

(I’m *this* close to searching for old episodes of Swan’s Crossing and the Alyssa Milano’s The Canterbury Ghost.)

Stolen Kisses by OPI
My current favorite color for flip flop weather. (And it’s super popular with the 3-year-old crowd, too – hot pink toenails are the new sharpie-on-the-wall!)

The Chicken Cheesesteak
It rivals a good burger… and some days, it’s even better. Like when someone else cooks it and you get to watch your favorite football players play softball on a picnic blanket from the outfield. Or you can just make it yourself at home… two nights in a row.

Texas Pepper Works Jalapeno Mustard
GUYS. You know how to make a cheesesteak more awesome than you ever thought possible? Jalapeno Mustard. (And really, it just makes everything more awesome.) Yellow mustard studded with bites of sweet – and fiery – candied jalapenos. And if you don’t have access to it, it’s easily DIYable. They’re really easy to make, but if you don’t have a surplus of serranos & jalapenos from your garden yet, Texas Pepper Works also makes a mean jar of candied jalapenos.